NEW ECONOMIC TERMS
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
INVESTMENT HINDSIGHT
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlinesone year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIGone year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothersone year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment planis to drink heavily & recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY, WHY?
1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
3. A penny saved is a government oversight.
4. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
5. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
6. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
7. He who hesitates is probably right.
8. Did you ever notice the Roman numerals for forty (40) are 'XL'?
9. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
10. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
11. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
12. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
13. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
14. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
15. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft - Today, it's called golf.
------------------------------------------------------------
MU-WA HAHAHA
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.
*****************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God!What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?''
Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
*********************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
*************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters -
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.''
Can you read this?' the optician asked.'
Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
***********************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent. ''Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.
********************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Philpott's Phunnies #525 - 3/15/09
1. THE 7 WORST TECH PREDICTIONS OF ALL TIME
2. SOME ETERNAL QUESTIONS
Foolish tech prediction 1
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."--Thomas Watson, president of IBM, 1943
At the dawn of the computer industry, nobody really knew where this new technology would take us. But the explosion of desktop computing that put a PC in nearly every American home within 50 years seems to have eluded the imagination of most mid-century futurists.
After all, when IBM's Thomas Watson said "computer," he meant "vacuum-tube-powered adding machine that's as big as a house." It's fair to say that few people ever wanted one of those, regardless of the size of their desk.
Foolish tech prediction 2
"Television won't be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night."--Darryl Zanuck, executive at 20th Century Fox, 1946
By 1946, movie executive Darryl Zanuck had already cemented his place in entertainment history as the producer of more than 100 films for the big silver screen. So who could have blamed him for underestimating the power of the small blue screen? I'm guessing that if Zanuck were alive today, he'd find himself just as mesmerized as the rest of us by the mind-crushing distortion loop that modern TV programming has become.
Foolish tech prediction 3
"Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within ten years."--Alex Lewyt, president of Lewyt vacuum company, 1955
In the 1950s, the only thing more certain than the red menace was the inevitability of atomic power. So when New Jersey-based vacuum cleaner honcho Alex Lewyt heralded a tomorrow in which nuclear-powered appliances would suck up dirt in every American household, the news probably caused few eyebrows to rise. Remember, this was the era of radium-impregnated paint for glow-in-the-dark dials. Peaceful radioactivity seemed as safe as asbestos.
Of course, Lewyt's vision has yet to come true, and it likely won't until well after nuclear reactors are enlisted to power all of the terminator robots in our post-SkyNet future.
(Interested in robots? Take a look at "The Robots of 2008" for a video appreciation of the coolest and most innovative of Gort's great-great-grandchildren.)
Foolish tech prediction 4
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."--Ken Olsen, founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977
Digital Equipment Corporation was acquired by Compaq more than a decade ago, but in the 1970s, the company was a major force in the world of computing. Apologists argue that DEC president Ken Olsen made this quip before the advent of the PC as we know it, but ready-made personal computers like the MITS Altair had hit the market a couple of years earlier. And within four years of Olsen's remark, the release of the IBM PC had enshrined this prediction in the high-tech hall of shame.
Foolish tech prediction 5
"Almost all of the many predictions now being made about 1996 hinge on the Internet's continuing exponential growth. But I predict the Internet will soon go spectacularly supernova and in 1996 catastrophically collapse."--Robert Metcalfe, founder of 3Com, 1995
Bob Metcalfe was a legendary tech visionary and the man widely credited with having invented Ethernet. He was also a columnist for the publication IfoWorld, and it was in one of his columns that Metcalfe made what must have been the most regrettable comment of his career; indeed, he even promised to eat his words if his augury turned out to be wrong.
To his credit, Metcalfe made good on that promise in 1999 during his keynote speech at the International World Wide Web Conference, where he blended up a copy of his printed column with some liquid and drank it down before a crowd of onlookers.
Foolish tech prediction 6
"Apple is already dead."--Nathan Myhrvold, former Microsoft CTO, 1997
To be fair, just about everyone in the computer business thought that Apple was in its death throes when Microsoft CTO Nathan Myhrvold made this comment back in 1997.
Who could have predicted that, a little more than a decade later, that same company would be steadily increasing its share of the PC market while utterly dominating the digital music business and rapidly overtaking the field in the smart phone market?
Foolish tech prediction 7
"Two years from now, spam will be solved."--Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, 2004
By recent estimates, the amount of spam currently glutting up the Net is somewhere around 92 percent of all e-mail messages worldwide. (And it won't do to claim that what he really said was "Two years from now, [Hormel] Spam will be dissolved"--because the sculptable meat product remains as semisolid as ever.)
So, uh, good guess, Bill. Glad that's been taken care of.
SOME ENTERNAL QUESTIONS..............
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Only in America do drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage .
Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
2. SOME ETERNAL QUESTIONS
Foolish tech prediction 1
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."--Thomas Watson, president of IBM, 1943
At the dawn of the computer industry, nobody really knew where this new technology would take us. But the explosion of desktop computing that put a PC in nearly every American home within 50 years seems to have eluded the imagination of most mid-century futurists.
After all, when IBM's Thomas Watson said "computer," he meant "vacuum-tube-powered adding machine that's as big as a house." It's fair to say that few people ever wanted one of those, regardless of the size of their desk.
Foolish tech prediction 2
"Television won't be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night."--Darryl Zanuck, executive at 20th Century Fox, 1946
By 1946, movie executive Darryl Zanuck had already cemented his place in entertainment history as the producer of more than 100 films for the big silver screen. So who could have blamed him for underestimating the power of the small blue screen? I'm guessing that if Zanuck were alive today, he'd find himself just as mesmerized as the rest of us by the mind-crushing distortion loop that modern TV programming has become.
Foolish tech prediction 3
"Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within ten years."--Alex Lewyt, president of Lewyt vacuum company, 1955
In the 1950s, the only thing more certain than the red menace was the inevitability of atomic power. So when New Jersey-based vacuum cleaner honcho Alex Lewyt heralded a tomorrow in which nuclear-powered appliances would suck up dirt in every American household, the news probably caused few eyebrows to rise. Remember, this was the era of radium-impregnated paint for glow-in-the-dark dials. Peaceful radioactivity seemed as safe as asbestos.
Of course, Lewyt's vision has yet to come true, and it likely won't until well after nuclear reactors are enlisted to power all of the terminator robots in our post-SkyNet future.
(Interested in robots? Take a look at "The Robots of 2008" for a video appreciation of the coolest and most innovative of Gort's great-great-grandchildren.)
Foolish tech prediction 4
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."--Ken Olsen, founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977
Digital Equipment Corporation was acquired by Compaq more than a decade ago, but in the 1970s, the company was a major force in the world of computing. Apologists argue that DEC president Ken Olsen made this quip before the advent of the PC as we know it, but ready-made personal computers like the MITS Altair had hit the market a couple of years earlier. And within four years of Olsen's remark, the release of the IBM PC had enshrined this prediction in the high-tech hall of shame.
Foolish tech prediction 5
"Almost all of the many predictions now being made about 1996 hinge on the Internet's continuing exponential growth. But I predict the Internet will soon go spectacularly supernova and in 1996 catastrophically collapse."--Robert Metcalfe, founder of 3Com, 1995
Bob Metcalfe was a legendary tech visionary and the man widely credited with having invented Ethernet. He was also a columnist for the publication IfoWorld, and it was in one of his columns that Metcalfe made what must have been the most regrettable comment of his career; indeed, he even promised to eat his words if his augury turned out to be wrong.
To his credit, Metcalfe made good on that promise in 1999 during his keynote speech at the International World Wide Web Conference, where he blended up a copy of his printed column with some liquid and drank it down before a crowd of onlookers.
Foolish tech prediction 6
"Apple is already dead."--Nathan Myhrvold, former Microsoft CTO, 1997
To be fair, just about everyone in the computer business thought that Apple was in its death throes when Microsoft CTO Nathan Myhrvold made this comment back in 1997.
Who could have predicted that, a little more than a decade later, that same company would be steadily increasing its share of the PC market while utterly dominating the digital music business and rapidly overtaking the field in the smart phone market?
Foolish tech prediction 7
"Two years from now, spam will be solved."--Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, 2004
By recent estimates, the amount of spam currently glutting up the Net is somewhere around 92 percent of all e-mail messages worldwide. (And it won't do to claim that what he really said was "Two years from now, [Hormel] Spam will be dissolved"--because the sculptable meat product remains as semisolid as ever.)
So, uh, good guess, Bill. Glad that's been taken care of.
SOME ENTERNAL QUESTIONS..............
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Only in America do drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage .
Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Philpott's Phunnies #524 3-08-09
THE LIGHTBULB MEETS RADIO
Q: How many Conservative Talk hosts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Typical Liberal blather! It is not the responsibility of governement to change the light bulbs in the private sector! You can't legislate light! I'm getting sick and tired of you irresponsible "tax and spend" light bulb changers who think that everyone is entitled to free light, with no responsibilities!!!
Q: How many News Directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's a very sensitive issue. I think you need to check your facts a little more carefully. We need to wait until there are at least 3 seperate news sources confirming that the light bulbs actually need changing.
Q: How many Liberal Talk hosts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There aren't enough of them to glean a standard answer.
Q: How many Talk Radio sponsors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Are light bulbs a problem in your home? Does it seem like the government is trying to take away your light bulbs? Are the utilities in your area causing your light bulbs to burn out faster? Don't be left in the dark! Call now, and receive free, our info Kit on the amazing new light bulb alternative, that doesn't depend upon the utilities providing energy! The all-new totally Y-2-K compliant light source, "Candles"...
Q: How many General Managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's not in the budget...work in the dark.
Q: How many Program Directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How bad IS the light bulb?
Q: How many Oldies PD's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb, and two to reminisce about the old one.
Q: How many Production Directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but first the client will want to change it, then sales.
Q: How many jocks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We had a light bulb in here?
Q: How many jocks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But, the Program Director gets to pick the bulb!
Q: How many Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "....I've had it on order...should be in next week....."
Q: How many part-timers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Can I put down some hours to change it?
Q: How many promotions people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but you'd better tell them to change it now, before it burns out.
Q: How many interns does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None right now...they can when they're ready, but they're not and keep asking anyway.
Q: How many contest winners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't really want to change the bulb, they want to exchange theirs for a better one.
Q: How many clients does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, but they want to see a proposal first.
Q: How many syndicators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, but they want 7 spots a week to do it.
Q: How many record label reps does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They want the PD to do it with as many spins as possible as he/she screws it in. And, "...can you add a new lightbulb next Tuesday?..."
Q: How many listeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: As many as possible. You just hope it's YOUR lightbulb!
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't change the bulbs, they just test them.
Q: How many sponsors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Are light bulbs a problem in your home? Does it seem likethe government is trying to take away your light bulbs? Are the utilities in your area causing your light bulbs to burn out faster? Don't be left in the dark! Call now and receive free our information kit on the amazing new light bulb alternative that doesn't depend on the utilities providing energy -- candles!
Q: How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't change it! I'll download a patch from the server and install an upgrade!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Philpott's Phunnies #523 - 3-01-09
ULTIMATE ANAGRAM COLLECTION
Saddam Hussein = has ass in de mud
Julia Roberts = just re-oil bra
Dale Earnhardt = darn real death
Carmen Electra = caramel center
Pat Robertson = not pro-breast
George Herbert Walker Bush = He hurls beer keg! OW! A regret.
Anna Nicole Smith = an oilman in chest
Scott Peterson = Stop! Tort scene!
Paris Hilton = Hail! It's Porn!
Noah Webster = Wants beer, ho!
Christopher White = hit or whip, Chester
Susan Sarandon = O no! Sans anus!
Britney Spears = Bray, siren pest!
Pamela Anderson = a lad, a porn, semen
Luciano Pavarotti = I toot up a carnival.
Michael Bolton = lame-bitch loon
Osama bin Laden = I'm on anal beads.
Pam Anderson = a man's ponder
Pamela Anderson = a damn penal sore
Paris Hilton = Oral isn't hip.Paris Hilton = Strip ho; nail.
Paul McCartney = a calm creepy nut
Paul Wolfowitz = outlaw flop wiz
Quentin Tarantino = a nut intent on Iraq
Regis Philbin = nip his gerbil
Rosie O'Donnell = lone loon rides
Rudy Giuliani = Gaudily, I ruin.
Ted Koppel = poked pelt
Bill Gates = begat ills
Britney Spears = beers, party, sin
Charles Manson = slasher con man
Ronald Reagan = a granola nerd
Mischa Barton = OC man hits bra
Kelly Ripa = I all perky!
Sean Combs = c'mon, be ass
Whitney Houston = thou whiney snot
George W. Bush = huge sob grew
Barney the Dinosaur = I be rude, horny Satan.
Howard Dean = Whoa -- dander!
Mary Kate Olsen = Mary? A skeleton.
Jessica Simpson = Piss-cam on Jessi!
Michael Moore = Hear me: I'm loco!
Oprah Winfrey = why I fear porn
William Shatner = hair sewn at mill
Siegfried & Roy = fireside orgy
Calista Flockhart = sorta flat L.A. chick
George W. Bush = Go, Rush. We beg!
Haley Joel Osment = shoot jelly enema
Hillary Rodham Clinton = dramatic hill horn only
Howard Stern = downer trash
Laura Bush = Aruba lush
Linda Tripp = darn lip tip
Marilyn Manson = moralism nanny
Michael Moore = I'm a reel mooch
Paris Hilton = Hi, porn A-list
Ronald Reagan = rear anal dong
Ryan Seacrest = necessary rat
Senator Miller = Morals? I relent.
Whit Watson = A shown twit
Britney Spears = Presbyterians
Britney Spears = arrest by penis
Clint Eastwood = old west action
George W. Bush = He grew bogus.
Madonna = and moan
Martha Stewart = master at wrath
Mel Gibson = big melons
Monica Lewinsky = Yes, I lick man now.
Osama bin Laden = a lesbian nomad
Saddam Hussein = Hissed "Damn USA!"
Tony Blair = tiny labor
William Jefferson Clinton = Jail Mrs. Clinton, felon wife.
Courtney Love = Clever? Not you.
Dick Cheney = chick needy
George Bush = Bugs Gore, eh?
George Bush = He bugs Gore.
George W Bush = Ow! He buggers!
John Kerry = horny jerk
Osama bin Laden = is a bad lone man
Woody Allen = a lewd loony
The Passion of the Christ = Oh, Spot Theist Franchise!
Stop the War = A Step Worth
World Trade Center = Lewd Terror Act; End.
The Florida Vote Recount = Done To Cover Their Fault
George W Bush = He Grew Bogus
Year Two Thousand = A Year to Shut Down
Windows ME = New wisdom
Year Two Thousand = A Year to Shut Down
Carolyn Bessette = Recent Lost by Sea
NATO vs. a Molosevic = Soon a Slovic Vietnam!
Allied Force = Oil-led farce = Farce! Old lie!
Slobodan Milosevic = O, I'm an evil, cold boss!
President Milosevic = Is epic devil monster...Demonic evil persistI...devil, creep sin most
Impeach Clinton = Let Monica pinch
The Microsoft Corporation = Horror of Competition Acts
President Clinton of the USA = To copulate he finds interns
Monica Lewinsky = Nice, silky woman
Princess Diana = I end as car spin
Princess Diana = Ascend in Paris
Diana Spencer = Canned Praise
Diana Frances Spencer = A Press Dance in France
Bob Dylan = Nobby Lad
Justin Timberlake = I'm a jerk, but listen.
Carlos Santana = Carnal Sonatas
Belinda Carlisle = Call Dire Lesbian
David Essex = Sex Advised
Dolly Parton = Play Not, Lord
Boy George and Culture Club = A once-cute, burly old bugger
Britney Spears = Best PR In Years
Bruce Springsteen = Bursting Presence
Madonna = And Moan
Charlotte Church = The choral crutch
Michael Bolton = I'm The Local Nob
Alison Moyet = Mate Is Loony
Sir Paul McCartney = Musical carpentry
Axl Rose = Oral Sex
The Spice Girls = Crisis! Get help
Thom Yorke = OK To Rhyme
Gordon Sumner = Grunted minor songs
Bonnie Raitt = to inebriant
Kate Bush = Shut Beak
Garry Glitter = Try Large Git
James Brown = Mr Jawbones
Natalie Imbruglia = Ta! I Am A Nubile Girl
Leonard Cohen = Hold an encore
Kelly Osbourne = No bloke, surely!
Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber = are two lewd, incredibly drab men
Elvis Aaron Presley = Seen alive? Sorry, pal!
Baby Spice Emma Bunton = Bumpy bimbo nets an ace
Mariah Carey = A hairy cream
Courtney Love = You Not Clever
Whitney Houston = Shut it now, honey!
Celine Dion = No, I Decline
Tori Amos = I'm a torso.
Michael Jackson = Manacle his Jock
Fatboyslim = I Mostly Fab
Noel and Liam Gallagher = Hell! All grand egomania
Geri Halliwall = Girlie Law Hell
The President of the United States of America, George Walker Bush = Takes power after foe, Mr. Clinton. But gee, he's sure a shit-headed git!
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